Telling his story gives courage and confidence to others.
The 20-something young man strode up to the lectern. He was built like a basketball player, tall and athletic. But he carried himself like an executive. Purpose and pride were flowing through his blood.
You could just feel it.
He was here to address a group of men I joined that had come to show their support for the foster care system and even more importantly, to support the children in the foster care system.
Anthony, the handsome young man, was here to tell his story. I could tell it was going to be good.
Foster Care Explained
Foster care is the safety net for kids that can no longer live with their parents. The reasons for the separation are many and can range from childhood abuse, dangerous or unsafe conditions, parental incarceration, bad influences (lifestyle choices) and any other living situation that may put the child at risk. Children can be removed and returned to the family, or permanently removed. It all depends on the circumstances and the overall outlook for the well-being of the child.
“I’m Anthony O’leary,” he said. “I’m here to tell my story. I entered foster care after my first birthday. I was taken from my home because my home was unsafe. My parents had such a violent relationship that everyone feared for my safety.”
Foster care is a “temporary” substitute family. It exists to give the courts and social services a chance to help repair the problems at home. The core belief is that the ‘blood’ parents are usually the best place for a child and reunification is often the goal. Resources are provided to help correct a wide range of challenges that the birth family may be facing. After things improve, the child is often returned to the family.
A Rocky Childhood Builds His Character and Resolve
“The next four years of my life were spent in foster care,” Anthony explained. “My grandmother and aunt took over the responsibility of raising me. But my parents wanted me back, so I was returned to my family at age of five. For the next 6 years during my elementary school years, I survived a chaotic and dangerous home life. Although my parents wanted to reunite as a family, they hadn’t been able to change their behavior to create a safe environment for me. So, I was placed back into foster care at age 11.”
One of the challenges a foster child faces is the constant worry about whether they are going to be sent away to another foster home. This is a constant circumstance for these kids, and they often never feel truly “safe” or “secure” at a placement because changes can happen outside of their control.
“Here I was in 6th grade and preparing myself for another move. Fortunately, this time, I was able to move in with my best friend. His family had agreed to take me in as a foster child. I could have been assigned to any family, but instead I was living with a wonderful family and a buddy that acted like a big brother to me,” Anthony shared. “I really felt like I was part of this family, even though it wasn’t MY family.”
The longer Anthony lived with the foster family, the more they grew to love him like a son. In fact, they wanted to formally adopt him. However, Anthony’s great aunt and grandmother stepped up to take the responsibility for Anthony. He was placed under their permanent care.
Support, Stability and a Dream Realized
Anthony headed into high school in a stable environment and set his sights set on making the most of these years. As he approached his final years, he dreamed of attending college. He explained, “At this point in my life I had so much support around me and my confidence had improved along with my grades. My advisor told me that I shouldn’t waste my time applying to UCLA because of the low acceptance rate, but I set my heart set on UCLA. And I was accepted!”
Anthony was an exception in the foster care system. The statistics for foster children leaving the system show that 60% of them will either end up homeless, incarcerated or dead. Sobering statistics for sure. Anthony credits his CASA (Court Appointed Child Advocate) Daniel Moen as a major influence in his life, providing stability and perspective throughout his foster care experience.
“I learned so much from my experience in the foster system and from Daniel, he said. “I was forced to grow up more quickly than most people. But that has given me strength and courage. I’ve learned to stand up for myself and to make good choices. It’s a great life lesson to learn at my age.”
Giving Back and Paying it Forward
Following his graduation at UCLA, Anthony is now a counselor at San Diego State University where he helps students make critical career and school choices. He also shares his story to inspire community groups and motivate other kids going through the foster system.
“I’ve found that sharing my story unleashes a certain profound power,” he explained. “When you understand your own authenticity, you have a much greater chance to make an impact in your own life and the lives of others.”
To see more of Anthony’s story follow this link: https://www.instagram.com/voices_for_children/reel/DBVLldbBh-q/
To learn more about CASA and how you might get involved click here: https://www.casaoc.org/become-a-casatalent acquisition and advising.
Never underestimate the power and potential of those that start life in adverse circumstances. These kids build a strong resolve and express a creative energy that gives them a unique advantage in life.