Musings and More
Musings and More
Enjoy these thought provoking nuggets.
Choose Your Hard
Every Outcome Has Consequences
Marriage is hard.
Divorce is hard.
Choose your hard.
Obesity is hard.
Being fit is hard.
Choose your hard.
Being in debt is hard.
Being financially disciplined is hard.
Choose your hard.
Starting a business is hard.
Working a 9 to 5 job is hard.
Choose your hard.
Life will never be easy, but you can choose your hard.
Choose wisely!
Attributed to Devon Brough
Things My Mother Taught Me
Wish I listened when I was young!
My mother was a consummate writer and note taker. She would pick up scripture from a church service, see a compelling catch phrase on a poster, or hear the words of a political leader and write it down.
She would pass these sayings on to us kids, or write a note for our lunch bag. We didn’t really know where they came from, nor likely understood the wisdom
She never kept a journal (that I was aware of). But each of those notes, thoughts, maxims and prayers were written on whatever paper she could find.
She couldn’t bear to let the moment escape so whatever was in her grasp became her “journal.” That meant things like a scrap of paper from a torn flyer, the back of an envelope, a napkin, the church bulletin. You get the picture.
When she was sick and moved to convalescent care, I discovered the treasure trove of her notes in one of her drawers. A rich tapestry of wise nuggets captured just as life gave them to her — raw, spontaneous and honest. No particular order in their filing. Just piled up in the way that life can deliver lessons.
It made me realize that sometimes life will give you a lesson or wisdom, but you may not be in the position to understand or be ready to act on it. The important thing is to pay attention to the lesson, take note and perhaps file it for the time it may be relevant or useful.
And, make sure to write it down!
As I read through those scraps of paper and the notes she had made, her words came flooding back to me. At this time in my life, I was becoming serious about music and songwriting. I took this discovery as something I had to put into a song.
Things My Mother Taught Me
Found a note that was seldom read
Words to live by, things she said.
Written years ago when I was young.
A loving mother to her son.
“Nothing ventured, nothing gained,” she said.
“If you never reach, you’ll never attain.”
“Cast your bread upon the water,” she claimed.
“You’ll discover simple fortunes and fame.”
These are things that my mother taught me, I wish I listened when I was young.
These were things my mother taught me, and I lived a very different one.
Why, oh why, does it work this way? Why, oh why does it work this way?
Some things make more sense once your hair turns gray.
“Nothing’s impossible with God on your side. If you’re in a jam just let him drive.”
“Above all to yourself be true. Just remember, it’s not about you.“
These are things that my mother taught me, I wish I listened when I was young.
These were things my mother taught me, and I lived a very different one.
Why, oh why, does it work this way? Why oh, why does it work this way?
Some things make more sense once your hair turns gray.
And now I’m my mother’s age.
Kids of my own to raise.
I’ll tell em not to play it safe.
But live a life that resonates.
These were things that my mother taught me….
Here’s a clip of the song I played live at a local concert: https://youtu.be/ZoM0lPorwSU
Thanks mom!
Fear.
Seek Courage to Brave the Unknown
“What are you afraid of,” the Father said lovingly. “That which I cannot see or understand,” said the child.
“But with understanding, will you be less afraid?”
“Not at first. But if I understand where the fear comes from, that will help me overcome and allow me to move forward bravely.”
Paralyzed by Fear
Fear can be paralyzing. Yet, if we let it gain control of our actions, we become the slave to it.
We have to step through the fear to become something different, something better.
This is a wonderful poem that sheds some perspective on the power of fear and the notion of becoming something new…as you push through the fear.
Fear by Kahlil Gibran
It is said that before entering the sea
a river trembles with fear.
She looks back at the path she has traveled,
from the peaks of the mountains,
the long winding road crossing forests and villages.
And in front of her,
she sees an ocean so vast,
that to enter
there seems nothing more than to disappear forever.
But there is no other way.
The river can not go back.
Nobody can go back.
To go back is impossible in existence.
The river needs to take the risk
of entering the ocean
because only then will fear disappear,
because that’s where the river will know
it’s not about disappearing into the ocean,
but of becoming the ocean.
Seeing Life’s Misfortunes Differently
Embracing the beauty found in the imperfect.
We are constantly reminded that life can be a battle. Whether it’s the elements like these current southland wildfires, global strife, our own mental or physical challenges, or small annoyances that can disturb our plans, ruin our day, or worse.
Our human spirit wants to repair the damage. To make us as good as new. Or perhaps BETTER than before?
The Japanese Art of Kintsugi
Kintsugi is a Japanese art that repairs broken pottery with gold, rendering a new piece that is more exquisite than it was before the break. It literally means to join with gold.
Kintsugi is borne out of the Japanese philosophy of Wabi-sabi. According to Wikipedia, Wabi-sabi is centered on the acceptance of transcience and imperfection. The aesthetic is sometimes described as one of appreciating beauty that is “imperfect, impermanent, and incomplete” in nature. It is prevalent in many forms of Japanese art the aesthetic tradition of embracing the beauty found in imperfections.
With its origins in Asian culture, the tradition acknowledges three realities:
- Nothing lasts
- Nothing is finished
- Nothing is perfect
The process of repair can be a powerful metaphor for life situations we encounter all the time.
Of course, our physical self can be injured and healed throughout our life. Our mental and spiritual health can go through ebbs and flows. Relationships can experience the same dynamics.
And all the “tangible things” we own typically face a depreciation in utility over time.
Repairing to Make Something “Uniquely” Better
What makes Kintsugi pottery so valuable is the fact that no two pieces are alike. The repair of its brokenness results in a uniquely new vessel.
The same is true for us. Value comes from what is uniquely our own, instead of the elements we share with everyone else. We are unique in all our experiences, imperfections and repairs…and reflect our own beauty as a result.
There is no one else like you!
Remember that your life mosaic is uniquely your own. Just like a Kintsugi vase, each little crack, chip, or repair tells your own unique story. Joy is often surrounded by sorrow. Courage is offset by fears. Hate is mitigated with love.
Celebrate your uniqueness and strive to create your own unique beauty in the repair as you rebuild, repurpose and move forward in your life.
To see more examples of Kintsugi follow this link:
https://lakesidepottery.com/Pages/Kintsugi-art-example-gallery.htm
Stop Creating Your Own Adversity!
Avoiding Poor Life Choices
Adversity is ever-present in our own lives. Always popping up when we least expect it. Or want it.
Check that! Nobody ever WANTS to experience adversity. However, sometimes we make questionable choices that are just plain bad for you and ultimately increase your adversity. You might have seen the danger coming and decided to go ahead with your decision anyway.
Now you’ve received the bad results you were worried about. Hello adversity.
Or you just didn’t quite think that decision all the way through and now you have to live with the outcome. Hello adversity.
Beware of Unintended Consequences
Almost 25 years ago, I had a young woman join our company as a Junior Account Manager. She was young, bright and highly motivated. After some training and experience, we had expectations that she would develop into a strong manager at some point in her career.
We had hired her in the same salary range as the other employees of her caliber and experience.
One day after about six months with us she came into my office. “I need to talk to you about my salary,” she said. “I need a significant raise.”
“Let’s talk about it,” I said. “You just started here, and you are learning the business and beginning to make some progress. We might be able to conduct an early review.”
“No, you don’t understand,” she said. “I need a very large increase soon. I just purchased a new convertible BMW, and I can’t afford it on my current salary. It’s about as much as my rent and I’m well short for this next month. I need the money.”
“Well, that’s a different story,” I said. “We probably aren’t going to be able to solve this particular problem for you.”
Her adversity was of her own making. She quit shortly after. I don’t know if she was able to hold onto the new BMW.
Making Better Decisions
How many of life decisions are made without thinking through some of the implications? How much easier would our life journey be if we could avoid every bad decision?
With the New Year approaching resolve to make better decisions. There are many widely available tips that have been written that can help you to do just that. Start with a simple approach to add discipline to your life and help you avoid challenging circumstances.
Here are a few to consider:
Be honest with yourself – about the true impact of your decision. What are the pros and cons?
Reflect on your experience – how have you fared from previous decisions or circumstances like these?
Evaluate the impact of this decision on your current goals? Will it help you get closer to or further from your goals?
What is the payback (in money or time)? Does this decision pay for itself? Can you afford it?
You can handle any situation if you have the right tools to use when you need them. Take the extra few minutes to reflect on your decisions and improve your outcomes.
Here’s to a successful 2025!
Don’t Be a Victim of Wishful Thinking
I remember many years ago when I was in college, a group of us chipped in to take a harbor cruise. We cruised past beautiful homes with their private boat docks extending into the harbor. Many had a nice boat docked alongside.
My friend turned to me and said, “Wow, this is really frustrating to see the wealth that these people have acquired.”
I still remember my words to her over 40 years later, “I don’t find it frustrating at all,” I said. “I find it motivating. If they can do it, why can’t I?”
It’s easy to compare ourselves to others. When we do, we are often comparing what we don’t have to what somebody else has. That can lead to frustration and feelings of inadequacy.
Instead, turn that desire into energy and purpose. It’s not wrong to want the better things in life. However, one only achieves them (or any worthy goal) through hard work.
That’s the bargain you have to strike with life.
A wish is not a plan
“I wish I had the (fill in the blank) that he/she has.” How many times have you said that or thought that? But have you completed the exercise to take it to the next step? It would sound something like this, “In order for me to achieve this, I will have to (fill in the blanks).”
The bargain one makes in life is to apply your time, energy and talents to achieve the goal you want to attain.
“The harder I work, the luckier I get.”
I had this phrase attached to my email signature for years. For me, this became my mantra. It might not work for everyone, but it worked for me.
In theory, one could work very hard throughout their entire life and never accomplish all that they hoped for. That is true.
However, what is equally true and even more likely is that if one doesn’t work hard and apply themselves, there is virtually no chance that they will achieve their life goals.
For most of us, there are no shortcuts. Wishful thinking will not get you any closer to your dreams.
Mark DeBellis, 2024
What is Your Expiration Date?
During the 1970s the food industry began to introduce the concept of the expiration date (also known as “use by dates”, “sell by dates” and “good until dates”).
You now see that date on virtually every product sold through all classes of trade. From baked goods to beverages and meats to cosmetics, each features information on when the product is at its freshest.
The implication is that if we use that product after that date, it will be less useful at that point.
We don’t buy products outside their expiration date. And we often avoid products that are close to expiration. If we do buy products nearing their expiration date, we expect a deep discount for the diminished value.
This is a straight-forward concept when it comes to inanimate products.
But what about people?
My friend Rich Jones and I had this very discussion when we spoke about ageism in the workplace. Rich is a leading expert on ageism issues. I’ve written about Rich in a previous post.
Who Decides Our Expiration Date?
When it comes to people, who gets to determine when our value expires? At what point are we used up…in a professional and/or personal sense? How much of this is within our control?
Conventional Wisdom May Be Obsolete
We have a system in place in our country to support and encourage a retirement at around the age of 65. Our collective systems have been built around the expectation that our ‘value’ as contributors to society will be “used up” by that time.
But we now know that many people are extending their expiration dates by maintaining good health, staying up to date on their careers, and investing in continuing education. Many professions routinely work into their 70s and 80s.
We also know that we may undervalue youthful intelligence. Shouldn’t the standard be the same for everyone?
Reinvention, Renewal and Relevance
According to Glenn Llopis, author of the new book, Make Reinvention your new Superpower, we are entering a period of major disruption. Anytime we enter a disruptive period, it requires everyone to adjust. Each disruption period allows us to reinvent ourselves, renew our commitments and increase our relevancy in the world.
As Glenn says, “Reinvention is a continuous cycle of discovery plus action: Learn. Unlearn. Relearn. Repeat.”
Take Inventory of Your Skills
With age comes wisdom and experience. With youth comes energy and enthusiasm. We need all these ingredients working together for the most successful outcome. Identify what your key attributes are in comparison to those that are needed by the world today, and then embrace them.
It’s up to you to control your own expiration date!
S-U-C-C-E-S-S is not an accident!
If you can spell ‘success’, you can be successful!
Failure (the opposite of success) comes to us in many ways and from many sources. One of the major reasons for failure is our own lack of planning. Knowing how to plan for success, helps us to avoid the lack of planning that leads to failure.
Thanks to Eric Partaker for these tips reminding us that success is more than a destination; it’s a system and a process. Success demands clarity, resilience, and action. Break down the word “SUCCESS” to create a framework to drive personal and professional growth..
The Seven Steps to SUCCESS: A Leadership Blueprint
S – See Your Goal
Clarity is power. Define the ‘why’ behind your goals. Goals should be SMART (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-bound) and align with your core values.
U – Understand the Obstacles
Successful people anticipate hurdles to avoid them. What are obstacles that might get in the way of your success? How might you prepare to deal with them before you face them?
C – Create a Positive Mental Picture
Vision drives momentum. People who visualize success radiate an inspiring energy. Keep that positive outcome in your mind. It helps you get through the tough times and reinforces you when time are good.
C – Clear Your Mind of Self-Doubt
Doubt kills action. To overcome uncertainty become knowledgeable about the area you want to pursue. Surround yourself with people that lift you up and help you become better. Learn from your mistakes.
E – Embrace the Challenge
Opportunities are often disguised as problems. By embracing challenges, you cultivate a growth mindset, use mistakes as fuel for your innovation, welcome diverse input. Treat every challenge as a story worth telling.
S – Stay on Track
Momentum sustains success. The best leaders consistently review and refine. Keep reviewing your performance against your goals.
S – Show the World You Can Do It
Success is measured by results, not effort. Execution is king. Know that each accomplishment moves you closer to your goal. Each small step contributes to your overall success as you march towards your destiny!
The Wisdom of Dr. Laura
One of my favorite modern therapists is Dr. Laura Schlessinger. I have been a long time listener after first discovering her in the 1980’s on KABC radio. She just completed her 50th year in broadcasting.
Doctor Schlessinger was one of the first, and highly successful Radio Talk Show Therapists/Personalities.
Her wisdom is a combination of pit bull stubbornness, a large does of traditional moral values mixed in with common sense. Her no-nonsense advice reflects her training as a psychologist, a family therapist and the 50 years of listening to peoples’ problems during her call-in talk show.
She pulls no punches when she gives advice.
Some people love her. Others don’t. She doesn’t care. She provides honest, objective and time-tested advice. She doesn’t bend her wisdom to fleeting and/or contemporary philosophy. She is not afraid to tell people the things that others want to say…but never do.
Some of my favorite quotes from Dr. Laura:
“You can come back from anything but death.”
Pretty straightforward assertion. Many times in our life we will face a comeback from adversity. You too can be a comeback story. Never give up. Never surrender. If you haven’t had one yet, brace yourself.
“It doesn’t matter how we were raised. We choose to become the person we want to be.”
Many of us carry along with us our “history” (our childhood, hurts, hangups and failures) as if it should define our future. You can change your trajectory at any point in your journey. Nobody has control of where they started. But we all have control of where we choose to go from here.
“Too many people make the past their identity and spend the rest of their lives accumulating sympathy for their past pain.“
Much like the previous quote, only you can choose how you react to your mistakes, foibles and regrets. The more you hold on to them and use them to define you, the longer it will take you to reach your true self. Despite our past circumstances, we all have responsibility for our future actions. Don’t use your past as a crutch. Use it as a fuel to spark your future. Your are more than what happened to you. You are in the process of “becoming”.
And finally, one of her oft-used quotes when talking to somebody about the need to make a difficult life decision they probably have been delaying….
“Is this how you want to live the rest of your life between now and dead? We only go around once.”
No explanation required.
For more of Dr Laura’s quotes check out this link: https://www.azquotes.com/author/13103-Laura_Schlessinger#google_vignette
The “Bonus” Day
My wife and I were on a cruise vacation recently and joined another couple for dinner each evening. That’s how cruise dining works. You never know who you might be seated with.
We sat with a lovely couple almost 20 years our senior.
Karl and Segrid exhibited a wonderful, positive spirit and shared their life story with us. How they met (in Amsterdam at 16 years of age), their family, grandchildren and great grandchildren. Their eyes sparkled and they smiled widely when they spoke about each other and their family.
You could see that there was something special about these two.
During one of our dinner conversations I asked, “what advice can you give to a younger couple like us?” Segrid piped in, “treat every day as a ‘bonus day’,” she said.
“What’s a bonus day?” I asked.
“It’s simple,” she said. “If you realize that every day you are alive is actually a day that you might not have enjoyed, you can’t help but be thankful. That makes each and every day a true bonus day.”
How easy it is for us to take that for granted. Every day IS a bonus day, regardless of your age or place in life. Every morning when we wake up, we should treat that day as if it were a day that we might not have enjoyed.
What’s a bonus day worth?
What price can you put on another chance to hug your loved ones? To talk to your friends? To enjoy the sunshine on your face? To see the waves lapping the shore?
Bonus days are priceless.
And so is every day.